The Projected Outcome (issue whatever!)

I really hope I don't get expelled for any of this.

The Projected Outcome
Winter Break rush injures some and wrecks something!
Information on this story is still sketchy at the time of this writing, as details are still coming in. But it seems that on Sunday, January 22nd, 2006, the semester ended for the Institute (ZITS) at 12:00 noon. As soon as classes were dismissed at this time, every student from every grade rushed out of their classrooms at a speed not thought achievably possible by man. No Rabbeim were harmed in this incident, although Mrs. Grain may have spilled her coffee at some point. Several dormitory halls were severley damaged in the rush, as students ran to their rooms to get their luggage and bring them out to either Airport Connection busses outside, or their parent's car. Airport Connection busdriver Ed describes what he saw.
"First I saw the building shake, from front to back. Then I saw hundreds of kids piled up at the front door, all pushing to get out. They showed up so fast; I never saw them come! Then they just poured out of the door, like water, and swarmed all over my car! It was awful!"
Ed is still recovering from a small trauma.

The Projected Outcome (issue two!)

Wow, I am really on a role. Names is a huge problem though.


THE PROJECTED OUTCOME
High School "wakers" kidnapped by Sophmores!
Fed up with unnacceptable service, several unnamed sophmores kidnapped two of the High-School's most renowned "veckers", or those responsible to wake them up in the morning. The veckers have been in service for three years, and have on an inconsistent basis been responsible for waking the entire High School up at 7:00am every morning.
The sophmores did the vecking Tuesday morning, much the pleasure of the High School. "They just came in an' started yellin'," witness S "Foust" said Tuesday "I got all frightened. It was 7:03 in the mornin'! I was asleepin'!"
Wednesday afternoon the sophmore senators released a tape recorded by those responsible (non-video). The tape was played before the Senate. The sophmore kidnappers explained that if they were not paid the ten dollars they need to pay for cholent expenses, they would drop both veckers off the catwalk. Appalled at this statment, Chairman Joiseph G. proclaimed that they needed to take "extensive measures." Junior Enforcers searched every knook and cranny of every sophmore room until they found the veckers, tied and gaged in a walk in closet. Once the gag was removed, one of the veckers was quoted saying "Thank God! I was getting hungry!".
The inhabitants of the room were identified, and were tossd off the catwalk onto a bunch of mattreses.



and if you believe that...