weird creepy mood swings

So, this morning. First day of MYP. I come into the zysman bais medrash, my $60+ sforim weighing my backpack down to pretty uncomfortable levels, and sit down by the rabbi cohen shiur table. This shiur consists of about 5 people besides me, all of whom seem to be at least 4 years my senior, and quite bearded. And then there’s me, the guy from Milwaukee who just graduated highschool. Just seeing the people at the table, I was somewhat intimidated, but I figured hey, gemara’s gemara, and if it’s anything like what I learned last year, I should be able to handle it. Actually, it IS going to be what I learned last year, since we’re learning the same mesechta. Well, as it turns out, the morning schedule for MYP is something I might call brutal. There is a space of about 3 hours, from 9 till about 11:40, which is the iyun seder (the word seder reminds me that I am now in a kind of bais medrash, which kind of gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach.) So that’s just one on one learning, in my case, with a guy several years older than me, and probably getting smicha soon. Makes me look like somewhat of an idiot, but I figured I’d give it my best shot. But I find it hard to focus- just like with everything else, it’s the same thing that’s been affecting my appetite, and last night I suspect it affected my sleep (although that may have been my roommate leaving his light on and typing up till 2 in the morning.) I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve suspected for a while that it’s the anxiety of knowing I won’t be back in my familiar neighborhood for five weeks, and even then I’ll just be there for long enough to fast for a day, build a succah, dance, and pack up, rushing back to this building. That, and the pressure to do well due to the huge amount of money my parents are putting into this education, as well as some of my own in the form of Stafford loans, not to mention the fact that there’s basically no one here that I know, and I don’t (or didn’t) know what to expect in terms of the college courses. But my most recent worry has been that maybe this place isn’t the place I thought it was. I chose YU over Landers because I thought YU was oriented more towards the college education, and less towards the learning. Yet after this seder from 9-11:40, we had a bekius shiur until around 12:20. Then there was about an hour lunch break, then the iyun shiur came from 1:20 till 2:30. And I think today’s schedule was somewhat shortened, being the first day and all.
That’s about as much learning as I did last year, which I considered to be on the higher end- but it’s all in one shot, and more advanced. And while I think Rabbi Cohen is great as a person (although a little more mussardig then I thought at first), sometimes it’s hard to understand him in shiur. And when all these issues are threatening to explode my brain, I find it impossible to focus, and before you know it, my first day in MYP is down the drain. Now it’s possible that this will all just wear off. Maybe I actually can make it in MYP, and I’m just distracted with my new surroundings for the moment. But the thing that’s scaring me now is this tremendous mood swing. I went to US history pretty much a nervous wreck, putting up frantic facebook statuses and texting perel pleading to let me come over so I can just relax and take a deep breath. But at some point during history, i think I got interested. I took out my laptop, started taking things down, and before I knew it, I had done exactly what I had been trying to do since my father left- take my mind off the big picture, and focus on what was in front of me. By the time history was over, I was feeling 110% better. Kovi gave me a call, having heard about my woes over facebook, but I found I didn’t really even need the consolation anymore. In that conversation, I found myself laughing for the first time in a little while. There was a short break, and then I went to my second class, English composition, which was a breeze. I think my instructor for that course is great, and I actually might enjoy that class. So out of my four classes, I have high hopes for the two of them that I’ve started so far. Right now, I’m in a very good mood. My appetite is the best it’s been since I started having this whole issue. I could actually go for some pizza now for the first time since I’ve gotten to NY. Maybe I’m finally over this whole thing. I hope so. It’s been really annoying. My concern is just that it’s going to come back tomorrow. This is how it’s been, kind of like a bouncing ball. I started off really low today, to the point where I was seriously depressed, and then my mood just kind of shot all the way back up, somewhere around history class, and now I’m feeling perfect. But tomorrow I may wake up and start panicking again. Are these mood swings the sign of some kind of mental condition? Or is it just part of the adjustment? I don’t know, but right now I feel great, and I’m hoping to keep it that way for as long as I can.