Evil Overlord List

I saw this posted onto one of the doors in my dorm hallway. It's pretty good stuff.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do

If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Midnight Madness, not to be confused with Midtown Madness

I head over to the Morg lounge for some free pizza tonight. There have been signs up for weeks about the free food going on every night this week. I get there five minutes early, and there is literally a line out the door. Quickly judging the situation at hand, standing outside in the cold in my sweater, I make the logical choice and get in line for the pizza. The line doesn't move too much. I start to get a little suspicious when I continue to see people coming out of the building with pizza, while the line stands completely still. Eventually some guy comes out with a slice of pizza, looks at the line, and starts yelling "Hey, you know there's no real line right? There's no order, you just go in and take pizza! Sheesh, you know it's called midnight madness for a reason!"
I am briefly reminded of a clip of Homestar Runner standing in line at bubs concession stand, with a sign that says "Stand in Line: $5." Homestar turns around and says to the guy behind him "Best five bucks I ever spent!" So I did that mentally, knowing better than to make obscure references to random people (cough perel cough).
Anyways, nobody moves for a few minutes. I guess they're all thinking "It's a trick!" "It's like those emails about working from home!" "No way it's that easy!" But after awhile, everyone just kind of falls out of line and starts stumbling over to through the doorway. I had my pizza within five minutes- that being said, it was pretty awful.
Not that I had a whole lot else going on- I had my history final this morning, and I think I did pretty well. Finished after only a little over an hour. The history final was second only to the dreaded comp sci final in difficulty, and if the comp sci final is anywhere near as long, I should be able to finish in time to make my flight. Tomorrow is hebrew, which should be easy enough. I spent some time tonight studying for it, and I have all of tomorrow morning, so I should be good.
No other really exciting stories to relate, as if studying for my hebrew final was full of action packed drama. Although question remains- what will I do all of winter break if I don't get any Mashiach work?

aaand here come the finals

what do you do when you can't bring yourself to study, but don't have much else to do? Blog, of course! At this point I realize that if I'm going to out-do my sister in blogging, I'm going to have to pick up the pace. And besides, I've got a good twenty minutes to kill until my load in the dryer is done, and I seriously doubt I can get any more information out of this Gemara right here than I already have. I've been, like, torturing it. I mean, when I started, it was singing like a canary, but now it's just sitting here, limp and numb to its surroundings. Nothing doing here...

So yeah, this is reading week- no class, just cramming for finals. It's a semi-new concept for me, coming from That School I Came From where you felt lucky if you had less class on finals week. So naturally I feel like I'm going to have some time-management issues. That may mean a little more time on the xbox than is healthy (I have some serious ground to cover in modern warfare 2), but my schedule this semester is somewhat lighter than it would be usually, and the only real issue I'm going to have is with computer science, without a doubt the hardest course I'm taking, and am in danger of failing. The professor boasts about how his finals are "killers" and half the stuff on the final from last semester was not even broached in class. Hopefully things will pull through, as long as I get help from the right people and put a serious effort into it, which I plan to do. "Planning", however, is not a major at this university.

So anyways the past couple of weeks I've noticed that I'm spending too much money here in new york. I've spent more money the last four months than I've spent collectively in my entire life. Granted that includes a tv and a macbook pro, but the fact that most of it was on long-term investments doesn't make me feel much better. I'm still paying like $45 to take a cab to the airport, to get to a flight which actually costs $64. I've spent quite a bit on restaurants here too, which I feel guilty about to a lesser extent, since I live for food.
The truth is I'm not scrapping for cash as it is. I just have issues parting with my money. Especially if I'm not making any. I've put some effort into finding a job, and so far I've come up with nothing. I actually came here with the idea that I'd be getting an internship with Viacom helping with video editing. Nothing even came close to materializing there, although I did edit the spoof for the play, to tremendous success.

My goals now are to finish off the rest of these finals- and finish them well- and then get home for some long-awaited vacation. There is a small chance of me missing my flight next Thursday, as my last final officially ends about a little under two hours before my plane takes off. Although last time I went to LaGuardia, the car service got me there within 20 minutes, I was through security in 10, only to find out that my flight had been delayed three hours. While the conditions may not be the same, I would be shocked if it took me an extra hour just to get to the airport. But I've been shocked before. Stay tuned for partial excitement!

well haven't we been having fun

I've been sick the past two days. It began monday night in the theater, where our play rehearsal was once again going past 1 am. For those of you not in on this, I'm doing the lights for the YU dramatics society play "of mice and men", which starts this saturday night, and goes for another six days afterwards. So this week is called tech week, but most people call it "hell week" since it begins to dominate your life much more during the last week. (it was already pretty much dominating my life, going from 9-1 every night, so I wasn't really concerned). I spend most of my time there hanging lights, circuiting lights, and getting them to work on the board in the lights and sound booth behind the audience. It's tough work, and it's long, but I'm not so quick to say I haven't been enjoying it. It's grueling, absolutely, but I think I may prefer being busy working on a project, even if it is taking up virtually all of my free time.
But anyways, that night I started feeling kind of sick. I was sitting in the booth with my stage manager, and I told him during the rehearsal,
ME: "I think I'm going to be sick tomorrow."
SM: "Well that would suck, wouldn't it?"
ME: "Yes, it would."
It didn't go too much farther than that. Anyways, I was right, and the next morning I felt pretty awful. At my sister's behest, I went to the student health center to get checked out. There, I was reacquainted with Vladamir, the assistant head physician at YU (i think) whom I'd met at orientation. He was the one who told me if I didn't have my immunization forms on orientation day, he would send me chome. Anyways, he checked me out briefly. Most of the out- checking was him writing stuff down, so I don't know how thorough he really was. I know he listened to me breath, and asked me how I felt. He also took my temperature, which came up normal.
Long story short, he decided I had the flu (most likely since I hadn't had the vaccination) and told me to stay in bed for the next four days. Missing four days of college during tech week is not as much fun as it may sound like. It meant I would either be completely unprepared for the show next week, or they'd have to find someone to replace me, and that I'd be missing classes which I cannot easily make up, if I can make them up at all.
So anyways, that's where I've been the last two days. Sitting here, watching stuff on my laptop (most notably "merlin" "star trek (new movie)" and "cops" on youtube) Today I decided to go over to perel's apartment, since I guess I wanted to reconnect with my tv, currently in her custody. This word best describes the tv's current state. Hopefully after the whole play thing is over, I'll be able to "get it back."
So I went over there, bringing her dinner through the rain, which was not much more than a drizzle at the time. I brought my coat, just in case, in addition to her umbrella which I was returning. In case it was raining when I left, I wanted to have my coat with me.
For those of you just joining, my sister lives in a notably unsafe neighborhood. I could've sworn I watched a car get stolen while I stood outside watching the moving van the day she was moving in. But I've never had any issues walking to her apartment before, and I go around twice a week. The first few times I was really on my toes, but a sense of security has seeped in, and I no longer look behind me every ten seconds. This is probably a mistake, but I usually see alot of cops on my way back. This should probably frighten me, but it usually just makes me feel safer. It's like "Oh look, cops! No one would dare mug me at this corner!"

I hung out at her apartment for a few hours. I tried to play on my xbox- didn't really find myself in the mood. I can practically play soul calibur with my eyes closed- it seems to have lost its appeal. Anyways, I basically just watched Roswell with her and read off her cooking directions for zucchini kugel. Also helped her put a leaf in her table, and took out her garbage on my way out. Sure, why not?
The garbage thing frustrated me. By the time I decided to leave, I was so wiped out, it was going to be an effort just to get back, and I could hear through the window that it was still raining. And I'm sick. I took some of her ibuprofen (quite a bit of it, actually), but it hasn't seemed to kick in. The last thing I want to do right now is take her garbage down to the basement. It's hard for me to refuse these kinds of things though, and I always figure that it's never worth the argument, so I just do it. Fine, no problem.
On my way out, I noticed that it was now pouring outside. Great. As I turn onto the sidewalk, I also notice it's awfully windy, blowing my hood back and blowing rain onto my pants. I adjust my hood,, but with the wind it's hard for me to see in front of me. I vaguely think about what might happen if someone tries to mug me. I've got no cash in my wallet- just credit cards and a drivers license. And like, a barnes and noble gift card worth around $8, which I'm sure the thief would put to much better use than I'll ever end up doing. But I don't really get nervous. When you want something to be true, it's usually easy to convince yourself that it is. I thought things like "Oh, it's raining. Who would want to stand out here in the rain?"
I passed several people whom in hindsight looked pretty shady, but as soon as I passed them, and they'd done nothing, I thought nothing of it. Nevertheless, I tried to keep my guard up, and made an effort to look ahead.
About a block away from my sister's building, I saw someone walking my way who looked awfully sketchy. I crossed the street.
"That'll fool 'em" I thought to myself.
There were two people on the corner in front of a building- a man talking to a woman. I thought nothing of this either- I guess I usually figure if there's a woman around, no one's going to do any mugging. Like, it's not done or something. I dunno. I overheard one part of the conversation as I passed:
"Give it to me."
It was said somewhat calmly, and it didn't really concern me until the guy lunged toward the woman and grabbed her, most likely going for the purse hanging from her right shoulder. Well, in hindsight, anyway. I ran off instantly, desperately not wanting to become involved. As I approached the next corner, I think I heard a bang, and the man was definitely yelling in pain, although I wouldn't have thought that the lady had a gun.
I ran for the next block. A lot of things went through my mind from the moment the guy had attacked her until I arrived at my dorm building, among them:
That I had just come as close as I'd ever been to a mugging, and hopefully as close as I'll ever be. The two almost smashed into me in the struggle.
That I didn't call the police. The thought vaguely occurred to me as I ran away. Yes I had a cell phone, but what would I tell them? I couldn't picture myself in that kind of situation. I kind of got the feeling the officer would say something like "welcome to new york buddy" and hang up. Besides, I was sick, and I really just wanted to get home. I seriously was not interested in being interrogated by cops, or whatever was going to happen. It was really the same reason why I didn't call the police when that car might have gotten stolen- I didn't want to get involved. It's likely I never will.
My sense of security around this neighborhood has been completely shattered, although I guess it should never have been there to begin with.
But what occurred to me as I entered my dorm building is that if that really was a mugging, then had I not taken out my sister's garbage, that could've easily been me, with some other frightened stranger running past me. That thought does not change how I feel about not calling the police- but it does seriously scare me.
Now I'm off to sleep. And if I'm not better tomorrow- heck, even if I am better tomorrow, I'm pretty much screwed.

The Times

...do you know them?

Apparently it's been a while since my last blog. Unlike my sister, I do not blog when I am frustrated or depressed or just need something to do. I generally do far less constructive things with that time, but every now and then I like to put down what I'm feeling in words and look back on it. I sometimes surprise myself with what I write, and it's kind of a confusing time for me right now, so I'm gonna see what I come up with.
Things have been kinda like a roller coaster this past week and half. When I left New York for succos break, I was having a pretty great time. Home had sunk into the back of my mind a few weeks beforehand, and I think I was really starting to get the hang of New York. Was I desperate to go home? I don't think so. About four weeks earlier, I was panicking about how far away the break was, but in the week before I left it didn't seem such a big deal to me. "Yeah I could go back, could I stay longer if I had to? Wouldn't be a problem." I was extremely happy to be going home, and when I found out Kovi was there it was even better, but I could've gone longer if I had to.
The vacation was incredible. Everyone was home for succos, something that hadn't happened for two years. It felt like the old times, the good old days. I think it may have gotten me a little too rooted in that mindset. For two weeks, I could have been in elementary school again (of course, I believe I was somewhat miserable when I was actually in elementary school, but that's how that goes). And then I come from that straight back to college, and I was miserable for almost a whole week. I had the same problems I'd had when the semester started, but to a lesser extent. I ate much less for a few days, no big deal. But around last weekend, a disturbing thought came to me: none of this really had to happen. It was my decision to come here. I remember last year when I had ten college brochures on the table in my WITS dorm room. Most went to secular colleges, such as UWM, MATC, MSOE, and the occasional oddball like St. John's in Queens. I never fully considered UWM because I could never picture telling my rebbe that. YU alone was a radical choice, being one of only a couple people in my 24 person class going to any kind of college in the first place! My rebbe spent the majority of the year trying to convince me that college could wait, and there was no reason not to learn for a year first to develop my ruchnius.

My response to that always was that it's true, but that doesn't make me want to go. I still don't want to spend a whole year learning the whole morning, afternoon, and then having some free time at night (after night seder of course). That kind of schedule did not appeal to me because I'm just not that interested in learning. I don't find it particularly interesting, and I don't feel much of an accomplishment by doing it. Believe me, I've been learning Gemara since fifth grade, and it hasn't gotten any more fascinating. I've never had the feeling that learning about what to do if your ox kills someone brings me closer to G-d, or makes me better as a person. It's like a school subject to me, really.

This is not something you can really tell a rebbe. I think my rebbe last year spent that time trying to get me to say it, but I couldn't. I think it's because I had too much respect for him to say something like that, but it's the way I am, and it definitely influenced my decision. Now that I look back on that decision, I wonder if I would have picked YU at all had I really considered those local colleges as an option. I remember realizing that the other colleges were a small fraction of what YU costed, and I could most likely graduate from them without having to pay back huge loans afterwards. Meanwhile, I would have a similarly good degree. But the money surprisingly was not a huge factor in the decision, because I think I realized that if it was the right place, it was worth it no matter how much it costed.
But now that I've been here, I understand how incredible it would be to be able to go home at the end of the day like so many people here do. A good majority of the people I've met are from either New York or New Jersey, and they go home all the time. This painfully reminds me of when I was an "in-towner" at WITS, and I would go home every sunday while the "out of towners" stayed at the Yeshiva and watched me drive off. Now I'm the out of towner.
Maybe this is what got me thinking about this. I could be an in-towner if I wanted to. I could be home permanently in January, drive to school, get a job, and live at home with my parents and hilarious siblings. For some reason, it seems like it'd be easier to have a job if I had a car. Maybe because I drove to and from the old home the last two summers, and made some decent money working there (although I wouldn't be doing that- most likely apply for a job at Milwaukee PC or something). I could live in my own familiar neighborhood, something I plan on doing the second after I graduate anyways. At least for now.
There just seem to be so many benefits to going to a local college. And what do I get for being here? Well, I'm with people like me, you say. But I've so far failed to meet anyone anywhere near my age group, although I have made some friends here. Friends. There's something I'm not likely to have in UWM. I think it's the most important thing I have here that I wouldn't have there. College is supposed to be a time to network and make connections with people who will help you later on in life. Now I remember that as being a big reason for coming to YU.

So now there's a problem, because I'm going to be unhappy no matter what I do. There are big advantages to doing either thing. YU is most likely the more responsible choice for my future, but just the thought of leaving in January and not coming back gets me excited.
Then again, as some of perel's old posts have shown me, home is not always how you remember it. And seeing how things usually go with me, I'd probably enjoy it for a few weeks, and then decide I'm ready to go back. In fact, I was somewhat anxious to come back over this last break. Of course, once I got here I was ready to go home. Zathrus can never have anything nice.
I'm starting to think that it's not necessarily home that I miss- it's being a kid, not having to worry about all this college/life stuff. Maybe I think that if I live at home, I can postpone all that for a little longer, just go to school like always, come home, do homework, play, just like it always was. But I know it can't stay that way. I guess I just feel the transition would be smoother if I just got a degree at home, and then moved into my own apartment (priced at a third of what I'd get in NY) and got my own job, car etc. But already this is when Perel tells me I'm thinking too far ahead. I don't like the feeling of not having a game plan, though. And my plan has always involved coming back home after school, so maybe I just figure why not spend these final years before all that happens at home? A switch wouldn't be easy- I've already got a pretty big commitment to YU, such as student loans, a tv, probably a lot of other things I don't know about. And I don't even know if I would want to do it, knowing that I could very well be miserable at home anyways.
I guess I don't need to worry about what to do in January yet anyways, though. I'll just see how things are around late November-early December. Meanwhile, I'll get the most of things in New York, and who knows? I might be completely happy next week!

Salad Fingers.

ads?

so some random ads might pop up around here temporarily. I'm trying google adsense to see if I can make any money off of it, but I'm planning on moving it to another site once I have the site up and running. First I need content for the site...(hint- flash laura bow game? who can teach me how to use flash?)

all clear

well it would seem that my anxiety and homesickness have passed. First few weeks of college were pretty rough, but I guess I'm warming up to things now. I've been eating like crazy, probably a little too much. I've been swimming to try to offset that, but I never get to swim as often as I'd like to. My dorm situation has changed somewhat: I'm now in Muss, the quiet, more yeshivish dorm behind MTA that few people know about. And I have my own room. View that how you will, but right now I'm enjoying it. I guess it wasn't the most social choice, but I have still met the people around here, and hopefully we'll get to know each other better, although I doubt any of that will end up happening before succos break. And I'll get a roommate eventually anyways, so at least it's nice for now.
I'm for the most part very happy with my classes. US history is not easy, but it is very interesting. Looks like this semester will be mostly about the Cold War and McCarthyism, which I've always thought I should know more about. The teacher is a real professional. She's taught at places like Harvard, and has written a few books on the subject. Not to mention she's been teaching for several decades, since before the cold war even ended.
Hebrew Language has always been a soft spot for me, and I've even been recommended by the school to switch down to the lower class. Only problem with that is that the "lower class" is for people who have never spoken hebrew before, and besides it not only doesn't fill your requirement, but doesn't even give you credits. So I'm gonna do what I can in the Intermediate Hebrew class, and hopefully my years of Mar Arieff and Rabbi Rauch will pay off.
English Comp is so far one of those joke classes. I've been good at writing for a while now, and it looks like this year we'll be doing exactly what I was doing for all of last year in advanced writing: writing papers and critiquing others. So at least for this semester that will be a cakewalk.
Computer Science is a possible major for me, so I'm trying to take it really seriously. But there's a few problems.
1) the teacher has this thick israeli accent, so it's hard enough for me to understand what he's saying, let alone what he's teaching.
2) So far we have done virtually nothing. It's hard to stay focused while he lectures on about stuff that I either already know, or couldn't possibly understand yet.
My strategy here might end up being just reading the book. That's what happened in chemistry two years ago, when Dr. Stone spent more time throwing temper tantrums than teaching. That actually worked very well. We'll see what happens.

I'd love to write about how Rachel's house was, but I don't have time now, and I want to do the story justice. Maybe another time.

weird creepy mood swings

So, this morning. First day of MYP. I come into the zysman bais medrash, my $60+ sforim weighing my backpack down to pretty uncomfortable levels, and sit down by the rabbi cohen shiur table. This shiur consists of about 5 people besides me, all of whom seem to be at least 4 years my senior, and quite bearded. And then there’s me, the guy from Milwaukee who just graduated highschool. Just seeing the people at the table, I was somewhat intimidated, but I figured hey, gemara’s gemara, and if it’s anything like what I learned last year, I should be able to handle it. Actually, it IS going to be what I learned last year, since we’re learning the same mesechta. Well, as it turns out, the morning schedule for MYP is something I might call brutal. There is a space of about 3 hours, from 9 till about 11:40, which is the iyun seder (the word seder reminds me that I am now in a kind of bais medrash, which kind of gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach.) So that’s just one on one learning, in my case, with a guy several years older than me, and probably getting smicha soon. Makes me look like somewhat of an idiot, but I figured I’d give it my best shot. But I find it hard to focus- just like with everything else, it’s the same thing that’s been affecting my appetite, and last night I suspect it affected my sleep (although that may have been my roommate leaving his light on and typing up till 2 in the morning.) I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve suspected for a while that it’s the anxiety of knowing I won’t be back in my familiar neighborhood for five weeks, and even then I’ll just be there for long enough to fast for a day, build a succah, dance, and pack up, rushing back to this building. That, and the pressure to do well due to the huge amount of money my parents are putting into this education, as well as some of my own in the form of Stafford loans, not to mention the fact that there’s basically no one here that I know, and I don’t (or didn’t) know what to expect in terms of the college courses. But my most recent worry has been that maybe this place isn’t the place I thought it was. I chose YU over Landers because I thought YU was oriented more towards the college education, and less towards the learning. Yet after this seder from 9-11:40, we had a bekius shiur until around 12:20. Then there was about an hour lunch break, then the iyun shiur came from 1:20 till 2:30. And I think today’s schedule was somewhat shortened, being the first day and all.
That’s about as much learning as I did last year, which I considered to be on the higher end- but it’s all in one shot, and more advanced. And while I think Rabbi Cohen is great as a person (although a little more mussardig then I thought at first), sometimes it’s hard to understand him in shiur. And when all these issues are threatening to explode my brain, I find it impossible to focus, and before you know it, my first day in MYP is down the drain. Now it’s possible that this will all just wear off. Maybe I actually can make it in MYP, and I’m just distracted with my new surroundings for the moment. But the thing that’s scaring me now is this tremendous mood swing. I went to US history pretty much a nervous wreck, putting up frantic facebook statuses and texting perel pleading to let me come over so I can just relax and take a deep breath. But at some point during history, i think I got interested. I took out my laptop, started taking things down, and before I knew it, I had done exactly what I had been trying to do since my father left- take my mind off the big picture, and focus on what was in front of me. By the time history was over, I was feeling 110% better. Kovi gave me a call, having heard about my woes over facebook, but I found I didn’t really even need the consolation anymore. In that conversation, I found myself laughing for the first time in a little while. There was a short break, and then I went to my second class, English composition, which was a breeze. I think my instructor for that course is great, and I actually might enjoy that class. So out of my four classes, I have high hopes for the two of them that I’ve started so far. Right now, I’m in a very good mood. My appetite is the best it’s been since I started having this whole issue. I could actually go for some pizza now for the first time since I’ve gotten to NY. Maybe I’m finally over this whole thing. I hope so. It’s been really annoying. My concern is just that it’s going to come back tomorrow. This is how it’s been, kind of like a bouncing ball. I started off really low today, to the point where I was seriously depressed, and then my mood just kind of shot all the way back up, somewhere around history class, and now I’m feeling perfect. But tomorrow I may wake up and start panicking again. Are these mood swings the sign of some kind of mental condition? Or is it just part of the adjustment? I don’t know, but right now I feel great, and I’m hoping to keep it that way for as long as I can.

stress relief

i'm writing this right now because a) it's supposed to take my nerves off of things, and b) i have nothing else to do for the next hour. until my counseling appointment, that is. yes, it has been a fun first few days at YU, and already i seem to be falling apart at the seams. I really don't know why- i guess i'm just homesick. I've never been away from home- or my family- for five weeks straight, and even if i'm not thinking about that fact, it seems to take a subconscious toll on me. I've had no appetite for the last two days. I've barely eaten anything since yesterday morning. at least today there was somewhat of an improvement- now i'm hungry too. i have this overwhelming feeling of nausea which i assume comes from the anxiety i'm feeling about being away from home, being in college, not being completely sure what to do, or a few other reasons. no matter what i try, i can't get that nausea out of my system. i went and got tums and some other medication- they didn't do any good. it's just a mental thing i guess. i don't know how to get rid of that. so i'm going to see a therapist in about 45 minutes, though i can't imagine he'll improve things much, since i don't really know what needs to be improved in the first place.
also, it's pretty hot here. my dorm is above 90 degrees most of the time, which may contribute to things a little bit. there's one room with air conditioning on this floor, called the lounge, but things don't get any better while im in there. i can't go there now because it smells like pizza, and that smell now makes me want to throw up.
isn't that sad? i came here so excited for kosher pizza, and now somehow i can't even stand the smell of it. another possible factor is that i don't know anyone here. i've met a bunch of great guys, and some of them are really trying to help me, but for some reason nothing seems to work.
my only respite was going to perel's apartment last night. there, for a time, i felt better, my appetite returned shortly, and i had some vegetable soup. we hung out for about an hour or so, and then i took a shuttle back. but tonight i'm going to a lazer tag/ bowling/ arcade social extravaganza thing, where hopefully i'm warm up to people, make some friends somehow, and take my mind off of things.
I'm really not worried about my classes, save for the fact that apparently i have to buy textbooks for them, and not only do i not know where to go to get them, i won't know what to buy until the first day of classes. i even have to buy my own gemara, and the sforim sale isn't open till 6:30, and we leave for lazer tag at 7. ugh.
and the swimming that i was so pumped for? hasn't been open for all of orientation so far. i thought i might be able to relax in the wirlpool, but the guard said there's no schedule for the pool to be open during orientation. so no dice there either.
i'm really counting on this therapist to work something out with me, because if i'm not able to eat something soon, i don't know what's going to happen. tonight's roast turkey, and while i know that should sound good, my stomach feels queazy just thinking about it. and then of course the fact that i feel nauseous when i should be hungry adds to my anxiety, which makes me more nauseous, etc.
everyone says that this all just wears off after a while, and i really hope it does. i also hope i haven't starved to death by that point. i don't really know what to do until that happens. but i do realize one thing.

it's a darn good thing i didn't go to israel.

Stay Tuned!!!!!!!

Macbook Pros and Cons

Well, it's been a good two weeks since I got this Macbook Pro, and I hate to say it, but I can't say I'm that impressed with it. The laptop was about $1400, ($600 over what my parents were willing to pay), with specs that are pretty close to top of the line. It's got an intel Core 2 Duo, one of the best processors available, 4 gb of ram and a solid 320gb hard drive. It's even got an graphics card. I figured it'd be able to handle anything in this house I could throw at it, being nearly the best computer in the house. But after these past two weeks of usage, I'm not sure I feel it was worth the extra money. At this point, it's probably a good idea to take a good look at what works and what doesn't here, because I can think of other ways to spend that 600 bucks, and if this computer isn't living up to those kinds of standards, I wouldn't mind going back to the drawing board.
By the way, this post is more for me than for anyone else, so feel free to not waste your time reading it if this doesn't really interest you.

First off, 1) Battery Life
The Apple Store said this macbook pro had a battery life of UP TO 7 hours. After spending a good long time laptop hunting, i've learned that those words don't carry a whole lot of weight. But I figured, it's Apple, and there known for having their stuff work, so I took their word over other promises. So far, I can tell you this battery has not lasted me seven hours. Maybe they mean seven hours spaced out over time, or seven hours with the screen turned really low, but I haven't gotten more than five out of this thing in my "tests". I was rarely doing anything more strenuous than web browsing. Mind you, five hours aint bad. That's around what my other options were advertising. I don't think I'll find a better battery than the one I have here, but the battery life is something pretty important to me. I would have hoped for the extra money, it would have actually lasted that long. Pass.

2) Structure and Keyboard
One of the main reasons i went with Apple was not because of its software, but its physical features. I liked the spaced out Apple keyboard, and coming from a laptop missing several keys, I knew I wanted a keyboard built to last. I also came from a laptop which was falling apart in other areas, and so I felt something important to have in the new laptop was solid construction. It was the main thing that turned me off about every other laptop I found (except the sony viao)- they all looked like they were about to fall apart. I don't know if it's some new trend to have your laptop built out of as many pieces as possible , but I wanted something that didn't have much room for loose pieces. I expected these things from the macbook pro, which boasts about its light up keyboard and "aluminum unibody", and for the most part I got it. The construction is just as durable as I could have hoped, and I doubt I'll find such a sturdy laptop even from Sony's elite brand. I also have no reason to complain about the keyboard (and the lights are pretty cool, if not battery inefficient), but for some reason it hurts my hands to type on it. I'm not sure what the reason it, and I don't know if a different laptop would be more comfortable or not. It could be the spaced out keys are making my fingers stretch across the keyboard more, but that sounds kind of far fetched. I thought having the keys spaced out would lessen the chance of me pressing the wrong key, but Apple's keyboard is slightly different anyways, causing me to hit the wrong key more often than I would hope to. Still, I'm very satisfied with both the construction and the keyboard, and they're both two things I would still hold very important if I decide to go for something else.

3)Display
The display is pretty amazing. Many laptops nowadays talk about their awesome screens, so it's hard to say for sure if this screen is a special mac screen, or if its really the same as the others. I would hate to get a different laptop only to find that the screen is inferior to this one, but it seems all too likely. I can't imagine it getting any better, but I worry that it would get worse.

4)Ports
Here's a major annoyance- the macbook pro has only two usb ports (even my old toshiba had 3) but the real problem is that they're both on the left side of the screen. That means I either need to wrap my mouse cord all the way around the computer, or get a wireless mouse, which is pretty pricey. It's got a firewire port, which is good, although I don't know if I'll ever use it, and while it does come with its own built in mic, there is no microphone port. I guess none of this upsets me too much, but again, if I'm paying this much extra money, I figure I shouldn't have to deal with little issues like this.

5)Trackpad
The multi-touch trackpad is very handy, and while it's big size can cause it to move around while I'm typing, overall I think it's a very useful addition that I won't get in other laptops.

6) Operating System
Leopard is a tricky system to learn. While I do have a few smaller issues with it, there's only one thing that really annoys me about it- none of my programs work on it. My plan was to partition the hard drive and put all my windows programs on the other side, but so far, that's been ALL of them. What this means is that whenever I want to convert a video, rip a dvd, play ANY kind of game besides the Sims 3, or use any kind of program with an exe file, I need to reboot the computer and start up in the other partition. On the other hand, I can only manage my music, videos and Itouch apps from the mac side, as well as iChat (which I have yet to really test) and ICal. This causes for alot of rebooting, which feels annoying and unnecessary. I also wonder if the mac hardware is causing problems on the windows side, which has not been behaving as well as I would expect it to. I have no real beef to speak of with the mac system itself, besides for the fact that almost nothing I want to do works on it. And I also wonder if the things I DO want to do on it would work just fine on Windows 7, once it comes out. Vista may be a pain in the neck, but is it a bigger pain than rebooting every time I want to do a certain thing?
My video editing experience with iMovie was a disaster. I attempted something very simple- matching a new audio track to a video. The audio track had to be cut and moved around to make the sounds match up, and I spent a good long time trying to find out how to do that. It would import the file, and would allow me to edit when it started and ended, but I couldn't make cuts in the middle or move a small part of the audio around to match it up with the video. I ended up switching over to Windows Movie Maker, which did the job perfectly. I may not know my way around iMovie, but if I can't figure it out, (and I'd like to think I'm pretty intuitive with these things) after a good 15-20 minutes, there's something wrong. Another main reason for getting a Mac was because it was said to be vastly superior in this realm to pc's. If this small experience is any indication, I might be better off going with pc software. Otherwise, maybe I just have alot to learn.

Well, I can't think of anything else. Of course, I won't even think of doing anything till my rebate check for the itouch comes (still not here). But i do think it's worth a serious thought.

...and it's off to MacLand!

Yes, I am going to New York City for college in about a month, and as such I must get technologically equipped for the challenges of college life. I've spent the last two weeks researching laptops of all different flavors, backgrounds, religions, ethnicity, madraigas, and of course, budgets. And there's one thing I found they all share- they all have their issues. There is no such thing as the perfect laptop. If you want speed, you'll have to sacrifice battery life. If you want battery life, you'll have to sacrifice portability. If you want portability, you'll have to sacrifice speed, etc.
Not to mention the fact that they all run Windows Vista, the bane of cyberspace's existance as far as anyone well informed on the subject is concerned, and the free upgrade to Windows 7 is not only fairly far off, but not exactly promising either. And if you do find a laptop with good memory and processing power, long battery life, and compact form, be prepared to pay through the nose for it in blood (this I have done before, but it had very little to do with money).

So where does one turn when looking for a portable yet powerful laptop without spending a well sized chunk of the life savings they'll be living off of the next four years?

Not Apple, that's for sure.

Even if their laptops are all their cracked up to be, the prices are absolutly outrageous. The specs of a $1500 MacBook Air are less than half that of a $500 PC laptop. The difference? Is the MacBook Air built out of a gold-titanium alloy that can be thrust into space and still be able to check email? Not quite, but it does have a much more sturdy construction and it's operating system is probably more stable. But how much is that worth, really? As long as I don't act like a klutz around my laptop, why do I need an exta inch shaved off my laptop's thickness? Really how much room does that save you?
The answer is , that's not the point. It just looks really cool, and having the world's thinnest laptop is something to boast about.

I wonder if anyone actually falls for that. If anyone actually pays an extra 600 or 800 dollars to have their laptop look nicer.

Anyway, I decided on the MacBook Pro not because of its looks, but because I've finally come to admit that PCs suck. Tremendously. I have suffered greatly at the hands of crashed video editors after an hour of unsaved work, and my odds of doing a good deal of video editing next year are greatly increasing. Plus, the MacBook Pro, unlike the Air, has construction that is sturdier than pretty much any other laptop on the market, and has processing power that is worthy of its price tag. Throw in a light up keyboard, 7 hour battery life, and a FREE Ipod Touch, not to mention a student discount on the whole package, and the ability to boot up in windows if I get tired of Leapord OS X, and I'm sold.

I just hope it lives up to its promises.

Mysteries' Histories!

The new documentary from History Channel, starring Dr. Ismael Apikores!

The Monday News!

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Ditching Shmoozes

This past shabbos was about as eventful as shabbos gets at wits. Well, maybe that's not true. I'll have to think about that one for awhile. But there were definitely events that transpired yesterday. Let's see how good a job I do recapping them. I made an early kiddush with the Sholach Manos grape juice, which I don't think even made a difference, since I finished eating about the same time as everyone else anyways. It's all in the head, I guess. I proceeded to actually learn at morning seder, since my chavrusa was away at his brother's ufruf (or however you spell that) and someone else's chavrusa was also gone. We learned better than I think I've learned at night seder all year, and I like to see if I can make the change permanent. The revealing thing about this little experience was that I actually found out that I can learn if paired with the right person. Whether or not this puts Bais Medrash back on the map for me next year is still an item of discussion, but I feel closer than I did two days ago (also to be discussed- whether that's a good thing.)
I also went for a walk with some friends, since it was the first good day outside in weeks. It's always good to get out of that building. Some weeks I barely get out at all, since the only real place to go is CVS, where everything is overpriced and/or useless.
After Shalosh Seudos, while I didn't make a point of ditching the shmooz (the optional-unless-you-don't-want-to-go style mussar speech before maariv), I ended up ditching it, since I missed the first 20 minutes of it in the bathroom, and didn't want to come in that late. So I sat up by the dorms reading the paper, waiting for it to be over. One of the rabbeim (the 9th grade rebbi, usually in charge of getting people to go) came up at some point to find people who were ditching, and found me, planted on a chair reading the paper quite comfortably by the main staircase. At first I figured he was going to come over, and ask me why I didn't go and stuff, but instead he just looked at me for a second, shook his head, and walked on into the dorm rooms. About ten seconds later, I got up and left.
After Maariv, while everyone was being forced to clean off all the tables in the Bais Medrash (a bris was going to be there the next morning) this rabbi tried to get a hold of me, and said quietly (pointless, in a room with that much noise), "I think we need to talk."
I didn't even have time to respond, because a second later another rebbi asked me why I was standing around and not clearing tables, and the next second a guy came over to me with my gemorah, and told me to put it away. I figured I lost the rebbe in the confusion (it was crowded in there) and headed down the back stairway to the lockers. As I got to the bottom of the stairway and was about to head to the lockers, that rebbe yelled my name from the top of the staircase. I braced myself for the mussar shmooz I'd missed about a half hour earlier, but he started differently than I expected. He told me he hoped I didn't look at him as a bad guy, and was trying to tell me that he's on my side and stuff. Things I took for granted, although most people in my class really don't. I've never had anything personal against the rabbeim, and most of the time, I haven't about anything they do either. He told me he remembered me in 9th grade as a student of promise and that I never gave him any reason to think I would be headed for trouble, but since I'm in 12th grade now, he really has nothing to do with me anymore (this particular rebbi doesn't teach the 12th grade anything) and he said he was worried that I may be slipping off, what with me ditching shmoozes and everything. Admittedly, this was not the first time he had caught me ditching the shmooz within recent memory, and last time things were a little more intense (he wanted to know where I was when he came through getting people, and I was hesitant to admit that I had hid under a table). He told me he was worried that maybe this went deeper than just ditching shmoozes, and wanted to know how I was doing. He asked if I was learning in shiur. Yes, I'm learning in shiur, I told him, thinking about the words as I said them. At least, now I was. Last quarter, not so much. He seemed genuinenly concerned about how I've been doing frum-wise (have I been davening, learning, etc.) something I haven't heard for a long time, or ever, because no one's ever had any cause to worry about that kind of stuff with me. Suddenly I had a flash from last year, when I was paired up with some of the worst kids in my class. I remembered Kovi reminding me to make sure that they didn't have a bad influence on me. At the time, I laughed on the inside, so sure of myself. Instead, I thought about the hard task of turning them around. Now that I thought about it, I had to consider the possibility that that was a warning that should have been heeded a little more carefully. This year again I have been paired up with some people who are not exactly known for their frumkeit. I've even come to suspect that the administration has been doing this so I would be a good influence on these people. But now I have to wonder if I have become what I was supposed to be a good influence on over a year ago. Rabbeim have always looked at me as one of the top in the class, as someone who would never skip a mincha, or sleep in the middle of shiur, even though that's what two out of three of my roommates do. And yet these are things that I find myself doing these days. My one other roommate, the last of the three from the beginning of last year, is the only one in my room now who consistantly goes to every tfilla on time, and tries to force us to do the same. Now it seems I'm the one who needs to be influenced. Seems like I've failed the mission that was never even officially given to me.
This was all going through my head while this rabbi spoke to me in the back stairwell of the bais medrash. It also lead me to think about where things are going to go in the future. I thought about what my already-in-motion plans for next year entailed. College, part time learning in the morning. New York. Working on commercials for a friend of my father's as a video editor. Where did this all fall in the grand scheme of things? Was I going to wind up sending back reports next year about the new girl I'm dating and what party I got smashed at this week? Am I going to become everything these rabbeim have spent the last four years trying to steer me away from? If I'm going to shape up, now is the time to do it, I thought to myself.
The rabbi was still talking. I had lost track of what exactly he was saying now, but the general line was that it wasn't worth risking my frumkeit by turning rabbeim into people who need to hunt me down, and turning shmoozes into things that were to be avoided at all costs. Because doing these things start you down a road you don't want to go on. I listened to him until the ended, and nodded where I was supposed to, already having made up my mind. This rabbi may not have convinced me of anything himself, but he got me to convince myself of what I need to do. "It won't be a problem again" I assured him when he seemed finished. He looked at me skeptically, as if he'd heard that one a million times, which he probably has. He let me go then, adding to finish that he never saw me to be the kind of person to have these problems, or have any reason to doubt me. Words of encouragment that I guess I needed. I remembered to thank him for talking to me on his way out the door, for which he said a rushed "you're welcome" as he headed out. He probably knows exactly how much this ten minute talk accomplished, although he doesn't really show it.
Where is this going to lead? I really don't know, to be honest. I still don't think I want to spend a full year in a bais medrash, or in Israel whooping it up with "kosher yet banned" concerts, girlfriends, and drinks. And while it seems there is now reason to be concerned with the influences I will surely find in YU, I still think I can pull it off still davening with a minyan three times a day when I graduate. Although I'm sure I thought that at the beginning of last year also. Am I going to "ditch the shmooze" next year also, or am I going to take the seat I had a year and a half ago?


Today I wore my tzitzis out. And to be honest, I don't even know why.

If you need me, I'll be in Florida...

"...Clear!"

Well, everyone who thought this blog is dead is about to be extremely disappointed. Because we have funny stories, deep philosophical prose, and enough video parodies to keep you watching for days.

Who am I kidding. I got nothing. There is nothing here for you to read. Nothing. Well okay, there is something, but not much that I can write on the internet. Like Fudge wrote recently, there's not a whole lot I can write without needing to create a whole seperate alias, thanks to google and its ilk, which I don't feel like doing namely because it involves me doing work.

Work. Hmm. There's a funny word I haven't been thinking about at all lately. Actually, here's an interesting piece of information. I recently saw some strange, yet hilarious videos on YouTube (discovered by Iguana) made with a computer game called Gary's mod. In less than a week's time span, with only about 8 minutes of the videos under my belt, it seems to have infiltrated every level of my daily life like only the PT and Homestarrunner could. I might just walk into a room and say something like "It's a great day to do what has to be done by me" and no one will know what the heck I'm talking about. Or I might put up as my facebook status "Rafi is back home safe and soon and left behind the bad place behind him" and I will get comments like "...huh?" Thats the annoying thing about Youtube I guess. No matter what it is, no one else has seen it but you.

Anyways, I got home tonight for the out shabbos and decided to look up whoever made these videos, since they sounded like they had been dictated from a PT-style volume of absurdity, complete with ridiculous spellings and extremely random subject matter. I figured it was some guy who found his 5 year old son's fan fiction hilarious and made a video out of it from this game. But when I looked into the guy who made it, it turned out to be a 17 year old guy from toronto, who has made tons of these videos and has no doubt made it his life. At first I felt sad for this guy, who must be some poor nerd nobody associates with if this is what he does with all of his free time, but I followed a link to his myspace page, and found that not only does he have thousands of friends, but that he gets hundreds of requests every ten minutes! I found that hard to believe at first, but when I saw that each of his videos on youtube had over 2 million views, I saw how that could be possible. It's crazy how people get popular these days.

What else do we have to talk about? The school year is going okay I guess. When I really think about it, this year is the most laid back school year I've ever had, bar none. Or at least it would be if I wasn't going nuts over what college/yeshiva I should or should be going to next year. Which isn't really true, since I haven't actually done too much toward that. I just worry about it. I don't actually work towards finding a place to go. Worrying is so much easier, and it beats not-worrying, which makes me feel irresponsible.

Well I guess thats not true either. I have applied/visited YU, and it seems that that's the most likely the place I'm going to wind up in next year. If one can "wind up" in a school that costs $40,000 a year.
I'm also going to Miami in 2 weeks to check out the Yeshiva there. Should be interesting. Looks like this boat could float either way right now, although I seem to have a well-paying internship as a video editor waiting for me in New York already, which will definitely influence my final decision. Makes me wonder if that's where my talent really is.
My rabbeim can't understand why I would want to go to college so early since I'm so good at learning. I feel like they may have gotten the wrong impression of me over the last three years. Who am I kidding, the only impression my rebbe this year has of me is the glance at my report cards he saw at the beginning of the year. "A's in gemara, your obviously a masmid! How could you not go to bais medrash?"
Today we had an oral test in gemara, which is done in groups of three at a time, and I was lumped together with the two top students in the entire class. These are kids who are not only going to be staying for at least three years of bais medrash no questions asked, but are probably not going to stop, go on to get smicha, and become rabbeim in either this school or another one. Not the same destination as me by a long shot.
Why was I paired up with them? I certainly didn't know the Gemarah as well as they did, as was demonstrated by my inexcusable ignorance on the oral exam. Nearly every question I was asked was passed on to one of the other two guys, each one eager to give the "obvious" answer. Several times I saw one shake his head and chuckle slightly while I groped for a different way to say "I don't know".
My rebbe pulled me aside after the 45 minute test, as I knew he would, and asked me what happened. "I thought you knew this material." Did I? I thought I did. I haven't really focused since winter break, even though I said I would. Did you honestly think I would know this gemara as well as they would? Why was I first in line, while the guy who is most likely the third best student in the shuir was bumped up another hour and a half? Was it completely random? Not likely. Nothing he does is random, as much as he'd like us to believe it is.
"I thought you knew this material" Where is the line drawn between "knows the material" and "enjoys learning it?" The last time I met with him, he asked me to come back to him in a week with a response as to why I should go to college instead of learning for a few years first, and while I'm at it why don't I go to israel, after all college isn't going anywhere.

I never got back to him. And I never plan to, mostly because I still don't know what to say. One thing I can say about me and my siblings: we do stand out. Maybe in a good way, maybe a bad way, depending on whose looking I suppose. And I don't think I am one of those other two people I took the test with, regardless of what my rebbe might think. I'm not one of those shtark bochers who learns mussar in his free time, and actually spends hachana learning. But at the same time, I'm not one of the people who have obviously bummed out and couldn't care less about davening or religion. That puts me right in the middle.
Is that what YU is?

I